(RNS) — My new “rabbi” is a woman named Melani Sanders, founder of the viral Instagram phenomenon the We Do Not Care Club. Sitting in front of her phone camera and speaking to her 2.2 million followers, she calmly lists all the things she no longer cares about.

She does not care if her hair looks perfect. She does not care if strangers approve of her outfit. She does not care if she answers every text immediately. She’s become an unlikely prophet for women navigating midlife, menopause and aging. Her mantra is simple, almost defiant: We do not care.

By it, she means that certain things are simply not worthy of her investment of energy. 

Keep that in mind when I tell you about New York Times columnist Bret Stephens’ State of World Jewry address at the 92nd Street Y in Manhattan this past Sunday evening (Feb. 1). Stephens, the former editor-in-chief of The Jerusalem Post and one of the most prominent Jewish voices in the world today, engaged in dialogue with Rabbi David Ingber of 92NY.

On several occasions, anti-Israel hecklers, who also protested outside the building during the event, interrupted Stephens. To them, Stephens responded:  “I have the honor of being hated … I do not care.”

Stephens cares deeply about antisemitism, and he spent a significant portion of his talk addressing it. It is top of mind for many American Jews. To enter Jewish institutions today, you pass through metal detectors and security guards. Jewish students debate whether to hide their Stars of David. Israeli writers face a kind of publishing intifada. The threat is real, visible and exhausting.

And yet, Stephens argued that fighting antisemitism is not the best use of Jewish communal money. You could feel the room shift, as Anti-Defamation League CEO Jonathan Greenblatt sat in the audience.

Jewish communities invest enormous resources in Holocaust education and pro-Israel advocacy. We cling to the belief that if people just understood Jews or Israel better, everything would be fine.

Stephens said that approach is wrong. We cannot cure this hatred with more data, better curricula or more eloquent explanations — not when university faculty are often engines of anti-Jewish and anti-Zionist ideology. Not in the age of social media mobs. Not when polls show young Americans embracing grotesque falsehoods about Jews. Not with the popularity of figures who mainstream conspiracy and grievance.

Most antisemites are not waiting to be persuaded. They are not open to evidence. Their hostility does not hinge on Jewish behavior.

What is it about Jews that has aroused so much venom and violence? To quote Stephens: “The Jewish people are a counter-cultural nation. And those counter-cultural convictions have helped us to flourish everywhere we have put down roots.”

Consider what Judaism introduced to the world: one God instead of many. A single moral law binding ruler and subject alike. The radical claim that every human being carries the divine image. A foundational story of slaves walking out of Egypt into freedom. A culture that prizes literacy, debate, questioning and argument. A faith that refuses to declare the world already redeemed.

Above all, Judaism instills a habit of mind. To borrow a phrase, we say no. No to Pharaoh and every tyrant after him. No to forced conversions. No to ideologies that erase Jewish distinctiveness. That long chain of Jewish “no’s” has never won us any popularity contests. 

We hoped that others would like us. Look at how many Jews have endowed hospital wings and university buildings. Look at how many Jews marched in social justice movements, only to discover those movements turning on them. Look at the Nobel Prizes. Look at the technology. Look at how even people spreading antisemitic nonsense online rely on Israeli innovations to do it.

It hasn’t worked. In fact, Jewish success often fuels antisemitic fantasy. Achievement becomes “proof” of secret power. Contribution becomes “evidence” of conspiracy.

Which brings me back to Melani Sanders: We do — or should — not care. Jews need to stop caring so much about the approval of the world. We cannot charm antisemites into liking us. We cannot educate hatred out of people determined to hate.

Instead, we should invest in those who already like us, respect us and want to stand with us. We should build those relationships and strengthen those alliances. And then turn inward.

As the composer Philip Glass once put it, and as Stephens quoted in his speech, “If there’s no room at the table, build your own table.” It means to stop looking outward for validation. We must look inward, toward Jewish life itself. We must stop defining ourselves primarily as targets and start acting like agents.

We can invest deeply in Jewish education, presenting Judaism in its full richness and intellectual depth. We can make Jewish day schools financially accessible and do the same for Jewish summer camps. We can build journals (as Bret has done superbly with SAPIR), cultural institutions and communities so confident and vibrant that others are drawn to them. We can create spaces where Jewish life is not defensive, but generative, as Stephens explained.

If American Judaism were a ship, those institutions would provide its rudder. But even the strongest ship needs a radar. The world remains dangerous. Jewish history teaches the same lesson again and again: complacency invites catastrophe. Security matters. Vigilance matters.

So how should Jews respond to those who threaten or intimidate us? We defend ourselves. The security team at 92NY received sustained applause for doing exactly that and calmly removing those who sought to disrupt the program. 

How should we respond to serious critics? With serious answers. Not because we expect to persuade them, but because we must respect ourselves enough to speak confidently.

And as for the anonymous haters who swarm online, trying to provoke and humiliate, those are the bullies who feed on reaction. Don’t give them what they want. Tell them, calmly and without apology: We do not care.

Then turn back to the real work — making American Judaism stronger, deeper, wiser and more joyful.